Anxiety and Halloween.

How could I forget? Every Halloween is filled with anxiety in this household. And the older my teenager gets, the worse it gets. Halloween, for people who suffer from anxiety, is not the easiest holiday. The clothes "feel". The costume isn't "perfect". "The costume doesn't match." The changing of the costumes that has been happening here for the past 3 days has been incredible. The Halloween bin I have is filled with wigs, dresses, make-up, clothes, purses, you name it I may have it. I even went to the thrift store and bought a few more Halloween type pieces. "They don't fit." "I don't look like the queen of Mardi Gras." What does the queen of Mardi Gras look like anyway? "It's ugly." "I look silly." These quotes are only some of the many that came before the tears started. It's like that episode of "Parenthood" with the son who has Aspergers. It was a very profound episode and my heart was hurt. And, like our stuff, it all turns out well in the end.

Am I missing something here? Isn't Halloween about silliness, ugliness, goofiness, and just plain having a good time?

I will survive this Halloween as I always do. My heart goes out to those who suffer with anxiety. It's not an easy thing to watch. I'm staying out of the costume thing as much as possible. She'll have to figure this one out by herself. I will post pictures when it's all said and done. It'll be great as always when they are counting their candy. I won't even go into what effect the candy has on us.

Winter Wonderland in October

Two days after our huge snow storm I am now enjoying the winter wonderland outside. It dumped a total of about 2-3 feet up here. I was not motivated for much on Monday except laying under a blanket and watching it snow. I did have to go get the kids and the driving was scary. Tuesday I had yoga so I braved the elements again and drove the usually 25 min drive in 45 minutes, white knuckles all the way. I kept thinking "this better be worth it" and as usual I got my om on and it was. I did drive straight home after yoga and crawled under a blanket and took a huge nap. It's now Wednesday and we received another 6" overnight and I decided to hang out up here in the woods and enjoy the beauty. I took a walk.

I had to get my long underwear and some boots out of the shed which is not very close to the house. The snow was over my knees and my walk would give me a good workout. I got my stuff on and headed out the door. The plow was just making his way up and the grater was right behind him. A nice thing since the road was a mess. They both got out of their machines, as I was heading up Deer Creek, and I overheard them saying to each other how much snow we had received up here. They were surprised. Sometimes we get snow that the other towns won't get. Once I had to call the kids in for a snow day because we had gotten over 2 feet overnight and with the wind it literally trapped us up here for the day. Even the town of Montezuma didn't get that, which is 1 mile down the road. Those kids made it to school. The school didn't believe me when I called in to tell them we couldn't get out of our driveway.

The white car in the picture made the drive up here to go cross country skiing. He obviously didn't want to get stuck and left his car right smack in the middle of the road. The plow drivers could barely get around him. I'm surprised they didn't leave a big snowbank in the front of his car. Those guys are usually ruthless.

I headed up the trail and broke trail the entire way. It was wonderful. It's a good walk, even without the snow, and I was sweating like a pig, in a good way. I got to the top of the hill and fell in the snow and made a snow angel. Teller thought I was playing with him and jumped all over me. He was so happy. I came home and again, took a serious nap. I do love my naps. I'm motivated for another day of playing in the snow. I'm motivated to ski. I am happy, now, that winter is here. It's going to be a good one.

Blizzard

It has been snowing all day. It's a blizzard out there. The roads were atrocious. I almost crashed twice. I had to drive to get the kids and I figured I'd get some errands done first. I'm surprised I made it to City Market. I took my sweet time in there because I had over an hour before school was over. I finally got the kids and started the drive home. The roads were pure ice and rutted out. We got home and I sighed a huge sigh of relief. I've been in my sweats and comfy slippers and made an excellent dinner and now I'm listening to the wind blow, watching the snow blow sideways and I couldn't be more happy to be home. At least we have power and heat.

A Cooking Day

Mountain weather at my house all day has been snow. Light snow but snow, at least. It felt like winter too. Buster, my cat, only went out once. Teller has been laying on his bed all day. Usually he doesn't lay on his bed up in the living room until after he's eaten his dinner. He has himself on a very distinct schedule. He rarely changes it up. It's also a full moon so he could be a little out of sorts because of it.

I've had this day free of kids. Even though they had no school today they have been at the Swan Center, volunteering. I brought them to get their haircuts at 10 this morning. After Hannah was done, she walked out front and I looked at her. She has the most beautiful hair and her cut was absolutely gorgeous. Our stylist, or as my mom called it, our beautician at the beauty shop, did a fabulous job. She styled Hannah's hair which only gets done at the beauty shop. I'm not the fashion mom and am not capable of stuff like that. To bad for them. Anywho, Hannah's hair was to die for. As we were walking out of the place Hannah says to me, "I look like a grown woman now." The guy waiting to get his hair cut busts out laughing and said he needed to write that one down. That's Hannah. Jordan didn't get her hair styled so it was wet when we left. Her choice. She should have gotten it styled because it is a good feeling to look all "styled" once in a while.

After the beauty shop the girls rode out to do work at the Swan Center with some friends. I came home and cooked all day. I made homemade salsa, soup in the crock pot, marinade for pork chops. I am now enjoying a Costa Rica cocktail. Unfortunately, I don't have Imperial so I am drinking this with PBR. Salt the rim of your glass, squeeze a lime in the glass, add some ice, add beer. It was so delish in Costa Rica. The snow is making this excellent beach drink a total buzz kill. However, I will force myself to consume it.

Friends are coming up for the fruits of my labor this evening. OK. that's a bit overkill since I'm popping a pizza in the oven for the girls but us adults will be enjoying my soup.

Time for another beach cocktail. I will look at pictures of the beach while I am drinking the next one.

Since last Thursday I have put on a little less than 600 miles on my car. Less than I thought.

Halloween

I love Halloween. I always have. I love getting dressed up. I love going to Halloween parties. It's just a good time had by all. Well, not all. Last year I had to work and we had a murder mystery. I walked in and my manager was excited about the evening. She brought a costume and in walks JBP and he was already dressed up as a tennis pro. I got on the phone and had Jack bring down the Halloween costume box. He did as he was going trick or treating with the kids. One of my co-workers did NOT want to dress up. He wanted nothing to do with it and was getting more and more angry and cranky as we were all getting more and more excited. I met him in the wait room and sat down and had a heart to heart with him. I told him how happy and proud he would make me if he agreed to let ME decide on a costume for him. After all, he'll be the only one not dressed for Halloween. He really didn't have a choice. He was so mad. I had found my old maternity dress (two or three of us wore that thing as we were pregnant), it was still hanging up. He put it on. I had an old lady wig that he put on. I had my old school Keystone name tag from the 80's that said Inga. He pinned it to his dress. He had on black crew socks and black shoes and the dress came to just below his knees. He looked hysterical but he was not amused. He was a trooper and we all had so many laughs at his expense.
I've always dressed up in a goofy costume. My costumes are always pretty good. The past few years I've dressed up as the lunch lady and I help out in the lunchroom at school for the school party. Usually you can't tell who I am if I am going all out. Which I usually do. Since we have all graduated from elementary school we are free from that. It was fun but I won't miss it.

I moved to San Diego in 1987 for almost a year. It happened to be over Halloween. Naturally, we celebrated. We were invited to a party at some swanky house on the beach. Big bucks. I dressed up as a bag lady. I looked great as a bag lady. It was a good costume. Until we got to the party. There must have been 100 plus people there. There was not one bag lady costume, besides me, in the whole place. All of the girls were dressed up as sexy cats, playboy bunnies, sexy brides, there probably was even a sexy bag lady but I didn't know it was a bag lady. My self esteem was going downhill pretty fast. Jack was rubber necking all night and was thoroughly enjoying himself. I have to admit, I won't make that mistake again. Meaning, I won't move to San Diego again.
As Halloween is approaching, my girls are trying to decide what to be. Luckily, they haven't had the desire to dress up in anything sexy. They have inherited my costume thoughts. Hannah is thinking of being a box. Jordan wants to be something gross and scary. Jack, he wants nothing to do with it this year. Fine by me. It is usually cold and snowy anyway.
I'm sure I'll put on something ridiculous and get some good laughs. That's what it's all about to me. Laughing.

The pictures are from Halloween last year.

Gifted and Talented

If I hear one more parent tell me their child is gifted and talented, has been tested gifted and talented, is in a gifted and talented program, is in a gifted and talented class, thinks their child is actually gifted and talented, etc....

Congratulations on your gifted and talented children.

This is why I don't get along. I just can't jump on that band wagon. My kids are wonderful. I just gushed over them on my last blog. But, they are great at some things and not so much at others. I seem to get sucked into the parents that want to tell me about their gifted and talented kids. I didn't home school Jordan because she excelled beyond belief. We don't do theatre because she is gifted and talented. She just loves being on stage. Period. We don't want Hannah to join ski team because she is gifted and talented at skiing. She is an average skier who happens to love the sport. We are an average family who is trying our best to be a happy family and enjoy life.
Summit County seems to have many, many, many gifted and talented children and parents who love to tell us that.
Again, congrats to you. But hearing it is getting old.

However, have I told you about my gifted and talented dog, Teller? He truly is gifted and talented. In puppy preschool.............

Proud and Rolling in it.

Jack and I are proud parents tonight. It was parent teacher conferences and our girls ROCK!! Good grades, good attitudes, and good kids. Plus, I ran into a parent who gave me an incredible compliment about Jordan and how she behaved on the mission trip she attended a few weeks ago. According to the parent, Jordan was awesome on that trip. Of course, I don't give J the benefit of the doubt and when I hear there was some drama that she may have been involved in I just automatically lecture her on how she could have done better. This time, I was wrong. That is all I have to say. That parent quickly corrected me when I told her I had heard Jordan was up to shenanigans. I do believe my 14 year old is maturing and making some better choices every day. Don't get me wrong. I'm not letting my guard down on her but when I receive the compliments like we did tonight, I am thinking we are doing something right. And so much of this is because Jordan is doing many things right.
Sorry, enough gushing.
I love my daughters and I am so proud of them.

Surprise

I love surprises. I always have. The day started our pretty typical. Kids off to school and I had the house to myself to enjoy my coffee. I tackled some paperwork and cleaned the house up a little. I decided to run a few errands before I went to pick the girls up from the bus stop. Target got $100 of my money today. Darnit. Off to the bus stop. The girls got in the car and we were off for home. I decided to drive them up the hill since it was only 3 and I didn't work until 4. As I was driving them home my cell phone rang and it was my manager from work. I was about to lose cell phone service and she told me the restaurant was closed tonight so I didn't have to work. It was a nice surprise. The weather today cold, cloudy, snowy and it is the perfect night to go watch the girls at swim team and sit in the pool area where it is nice and warm. A bonus for me.

I Knew It

I knew it!!
Hannah finally admitted it. She misses Costa Rica. She is our kid that was giving us the what for every time we talked about moving there, while we were there. I remember one day in particular.
We had a typical day. We were staying in the nice house. We woke up, had coffee out front feeling the air getting hot. Took a swim. Went to beach and swam. Came back for lunch and ate and chilled out for awhile. Back to beach for whatever. Home for a cold beer and a swim. This is when Hannah let us have it. Jack and I were making plans all day. We were talking about getting back to Colorado and setting goals for us to get back to Costa Rica to live. How can we pull it off? What will we do about school? Work? Where do we live while we are building our place? All that stuff. Well, Hannah was listening to every word and did not like it one bit. Jack and I were sitting out by the pool and Hannah comes out and said she needed to talk to us. OK. Talk. She was mad. Really mad. She started off by staying we, as parents, could not move the family to Costa Rica. It just isn't fair that we would do that without everyone on board. She continued... Don't you realize what you are doing to us? We have no house here, no friends (not true), no school and I am not a beach girl. I am a mountain girl. I want to ski not surf. I'm over this heat and I'm over these bugs. I am bored here and we don't have a car. We can't live here because we just can't. I want to go home and stay home. My best friend is there and my school is there and everything is there. She went on and on while Jack and I listened and appreciated her anger and frustration with us. It was actually very impressive. By the end of her ranting and raving she was crying now, which was breaking my heart, and went inside to watch tv. Jack and I just looked at each other and we were both speechless. She had great points. Which makes this even more difficult. Do we actually gamble with our family this way??
Well, obviously nothing has happened and we are in Colorado. Still talking, still planning, still dreaming, still wanting to go back. Last night Hannah and I were making popcorn on the stove. We made a lot of popcorn while we were in the casita. It brought back great memories. Hannah and I were both in our own thoughts. I was thinking of the casita. Obviously she was too because she said, "Mom, I miss the casita. I miss Costa Rica" I looked at her and said, "did you just say you miss Costa Rica?" She said, "Yes, I do. I really do." I gave her a big hug and we both just laughed.
I can't wait to tell Jack. He left early this morning to buy chains for the plow truck. He's still not back yet.

My Walk

My walk tonight. Gorgeous!

Miles

I'm going to track my miles for this week.  A day in the life of Mountain Life in Colorado.  Having the girls take the bus to and from middle school has helped but not as much as I thought.  I still rack up those miles.  I'm guessing I put on about 400-500 miles/week running around.  For instance, yesterday I picked up the girls at their bus stop and drove home, which is about 8 to 10 miles from my house.  But first, I ran down to City Market for some food.  We got home, had some food and left again at 5:30.  I drove to the High School, aprox 15 miles one way, dropped Jordan off at swim team, drove Hannah over to confirmation, maybe 10 miles from high school to church, drove back to Frisco to have a glass of wine with a friend (priorities), drove back to pick Hannah up.  Meanwhile, Jordan got a ride to the front of Summit Cove and I met her there.  All in all I drove aprox 70 miles.  Guessing.
This will be good for me to see.  I'll set my odometer in the morning and start tracking. 
That said, I need new tires, a new windshield and I'll be set.  I'm looking at $550 for the windshield and $200/tire.  OUCH! 
We did see a moose on the way home the other night.  I didn't have my camera with me but I did take pictures from the phone.  I'll post them when I figure out how to get them off of my phone.  He/she was fairly large and not afraid of us.  We were pretty close to it and it just stood there chomping on grass staring back.  I'm still humming the theme song from "Northern Exposure". 
 

Crybaby

I'm so weepy today.  Not sure what it is.  Could be the 8 pounds I put back on since returning from Costa Rica.  Could be the cold, snowy weather.  Could be Jordan.  Whatever it is I don't like it and I hate being all weepy.  Today in church Hannah and I were sitting by the window and I was looking out at the Gore Range just thinking and I would tear up.  I'd turn my attention back to the hymn or the reading or whatever it was time for and put it together.  The closing hymn was "This little light of mine" which was a favorite of my Mom's to belt out at the piano.  Of course, I full on cried and had to deal with it in church.  I hate crying in church because if someone sees you then they want to give you a hug or something which only makes me cry harder.  I hate that kind of attention.  So, I sat down after the song was over pretending to dig through my purse for something so I could get my sorry self back together.

  Hannah's confirmation class today was sort of a field trip.  As we were gathering after church I helped myself to a cup of coffee and said hello to a friend.  I like this friend.  She's funny and has two girls as well.  She is one of the "normal" mom's.  Anyway, I said hello and apologized for Jordan's behavior when Jordan went on her mission trip with our church.  Apparently, she was out of line for some things and those things were brought to my attention.   Her response was receptive and she was cool about it but I felt like such a failure as a mom for not raising a more mature 14 year old that can make good decisions.  I know that sounds like an oxymoron; a mature, 14 year old that can make good decisions, but there are some kids that actually do.  My 14 year old just doesn't happen to be one of those kids.  So, I got all weepy again.  We gathered the confirmation kids and figured out who was driving to Breckenridge.  On we went.

The field trip was this.  There is a couple, who attend our church, that built a Labyrinth in their backyard.  We went to see it.  It was super cool.  So cool, I want to build one in my back yard.  We have the perfect flat spot for it.  We learned about the Labyrinth then we were all welcome to walk it and were given some tools on what to say, pray about, chant , whatever as we walked it.  All of this to be done in silence.  Well, the entire time I walked the Labyrinth, my thing I said over and over, in my head, was something relating to Jordan.  Once again, I got all weepy and started to cry.  I had sunglasses on so no one knew but I really felt some sadness today.  It's been a very weird day. 
Hopefully when I get to work tonight this feeling will pass.  I'll make myself a cup of tea and get to work.  I'm looking forward to getting my mind off of this stuff.  BLAH!  Enough. 

New Skis for Hannah

It's 20 degrees outside and there is a little snow on our deck and in our yard.  7 days ago, on Facebook, I wrote that winter was on the way.  Well, I'd say our beautiful, beautiful fall is over.  Winter is here.  As long as it's 20 degrees out, I'm calling it winter.  It makes it super easy to sleep, or lay under the warm covers, until late morning.  The girls and I didn't even get up until 9:45 today.  I got home from work last night at around midnight and they were still up.  They watched a movie that had just ended and when I walked in I was pleasantly surprised with them saying hi.  Hannah was so excited because she got new skis.  And they're not rentals.  Jack went to a local used sports store here and walked in and, lo and behold, there were skis and Lange boots on consignment for $140.  That was the cost for both.  They happen to be in Hannah's size and for that deal Jack couldn't pass it up.   It was cheaper then the rentals.  Needless to say, Hannah has her first ever, own pair of boots and skis.  And at a great price.  What a lucky break.  Now, we need to get Jordan set up.  Again, she could care less.  Give her the beach. 
This picture is so bad but Hannah wanted me to post it.  It looks like one of those crappy pictures that you see on ebay that makes you NOT want to buy what they're selling.  Fortunately, we aren't selling these.

First Snow

 Today is the seasons first snowfall.  It's pretty too.  The race is on for opening day between Arapahoe Basin and Loveland.  I'm sure those snow guns are fired up and blowing full speed ahead.    We are gearing up for ski season.  It still brings butterflies to my stomach every year.  The girls got new ski pants and Hannah got a new coat.  Jordan didn't need one.  Hers from last year still fits.  We need to get skis for the girls.  Hannah was begging and pleading for her own pair of skis this year.  Cringe.  Every year we rent her and Jordan their skis, boots and poles.  It costs us around $170 per season, per kid and it's a great way to go.  Of course, those kids who are fortunate enough to get their own pair of skis each year, make fun of her for having rentals.  She hates the fact that her friends comment on the ski thing and really, really wanted her own pair of skis.  Ain't gonna happen.  We can't justify buying gear only for her to grow out of it in 1-2 years.  Lucky for me, we were walking through the sports store the other day and there on display were a pair of K2 twin tips with super cool graphics.  Hannah walked right up to those skis and touched them and looked at me and I said, "They're rentals", with a smile on my face.  She wanted them.  She's OK with rentals as long as she looks good.  To bad I didn't think of that last year.   Her skis last year were blah, drab, and not twin tips.  How lame. I remember my first pair of skis and how important it was that they looked good and matched my outfit.  I was 15 and my parents bought them for me after a huge amount of begging.  They were Head skis and I only remember that they were a pretty blue.  I was so excited that I displayed them in my room for weeks.  They leaned up against my wall, next to my bed, so I could look at them first thing when I woke up and last thing before I fell asleep. I can see it in Hannah.  She is the same and takes pride in her gear.   Jordan, she could care less.  It's murder for her to go out in that cold.  Give her the beach and she'll show you a thing or two about swimming and boogie boarding in the ocean. 
  I'm set with my gear although I could use a new pair of boots.  Alpine boots.  I bought AT boots for last year and they're great but definitely not the support that I'd like.  Boots are like sports bras.  Support matters.  Except boots cost around $500 bucks. 
Jack, I'm sure, will sneak in a few new pieces of equipment this year.  He is harder on equipment then anyone I've ever meant.  I'd like to see a company who can make a boot that will last longer than 2 years for him.  It's crazy. 
October 8, 2010, first snow.   Bring it on.  We are somewhat ready. 

My Testimonial, for now

OOOFDAH! 
This is all I can say about getting back to work again.  I feel like I've been run over by a snowboarder  (not a good feeling).  Chalk it up to age.  I'm not alone.  We are the geriactric crew at work and we all chuckle over our ailments.  But I had an idea.  I wasn't going to hurt so bad when 10 p.m.  rolled around.  I bought new shoes yesterday.  Not your ordinary black work shoes that you see everyone busting out of in the restaurant business.  I decided to buy Shape ups.  You know, those shoes that look like an ancient boat that curves up?  I figured I may as well get my butt in shape while working at the same time.  I put those shoes on and the jokes started to fly.  Even from me.  I felt like I was walking in moon boots.  Definitely something to get used to.  But they felt good.  I was ready to rock and roll.  My first table sat down at 5:45.  They were friends of mine.  We had some fun.  At the end of their night they noticed my shoes and after more jokes and laughing I was proudly saying "Hey, I'm getting in shape as I stand here."  Take that!  We were now talking about the infomercials selling the ab toner which I jokingly said I was wearing as well.  Not. 
My shoes felt pretty good.  10 p.m. rolled around and I had a chance to breath and noticed that I was able to pick up my pen that fell to the floor.  Usually I have to kick it under the counter so as not to bend down and hurt myself.  I was able to stoke the fire without grunting in front of the guests.  Usually when I have to heave a log on the fire I have to heave out a huge grunt and pretend I'm clearing my throat.  I was pretty happy with my new $40 shape up shoes and $25 dollar foot beds.  At the end of the night, midnight, after doing our waiter paperwork, it was time to climb up the steep stairs to the wait room to change and go home.  I hate those creaky old stairs at the end of the night.  We hurt and we are all sludging up them like it's our last push to the summit.  Egghead was in front of me and she was making those little noises as she was going up like, "oh man" and " ah" and "shit."  Not me.  She got to the top and rounded the corner and looked down at me as I was taking those stairs two at a time, smiling.      
So, no matter how ugly things are, in this case my shoes, it might be a good buy.  And I'm going to have the butt to prove it.