I'm a Grandma

After being a waitress for close to 30 years, and still admitting it, I thought I had heard it all.  The comments I have received over the years are not something one can make up.  Especially when you live in a tourist town.  It gets old but I never stop laughing because people are just plain amazing with the things they'll say and do.  Just when my self esteem is high, I  had two days off and spent it with my kids, I went back to work feeling pretty good about myself.  The night was busy enough and I was going to make some money.  We already sent 2 people home and I was not one of the two so I was guaranteed my shift and I felt good about it.  It was my Monday and I know it's going to come to an end here for awhile so I might as well work and make money.  Put a smile on my face and wait on those tables and call it a night.  No problem.  I can do that with my eyes closed. 
Speaking of my eyes, I hate, hate wearing make-up and rarely do.  I usually wear at least mascara at work because I think it makes me look a little more alive.  OK, and young.  I can use all the help I need with that too.  At 46 I don't look too bad but I'm no spring chicken anymore and I am getting more and more concerned about the aging thing.  Well, last night I decided not to put on any make-up.  I figured I had skied and I had some sun on my cheeks and I didn't want to be bothered with the make-up thing.  A little color on the lips-wha lah!  My first table, a 7 top, 4 adults and 3 kids.  Not typical in a fine dining restaurant.  They were nice and the kids were very well behaved.  Grandpa, on the other hand, was a pistol.  Grandpa was obviously paying for the family.  He ordered nice wine and expected his grand children to order off the menu and behave.  They did.  He was a nice guy and I liked him even though he was kind of loud and quirky.  He wasn't your warm, fuzzy grandpa but nice enough.  I said a few things that made him laugh and he said a few things that made me laugh.  I cleared the table and invited them to move into the living room so they could enjoy their desserts in front of the the roaring fire on the comfy couches and chairs.  They were so thrilled to do that.  Everyone got up to retire to the other room except him.  He sat there with his way to full glass of wine that I didn't fill.  He obviously had poured the rest of the bottle into his glass plus the leftover wine from the glasses left on the table.  He was sitting there with his monster glass of wine so I went over to him and
told him he could bring his wine with him if he would like to.  I was doing small things at the table so I wouldn't make him feel uncomfortable because I didn't want him to feel rushed.  He said, in his loud, gruff voice that he was enjoying his peace and quiet.  He then looked at me and asked,
"Do you have grandchildren?"

REALLY??????  Did he just ask me if I had GRANDCHILDREN???

Now, I'm not saying I'm not old enough to have grand kids, in fact, some of my friends, one, is a grandparent.  But, did he really just ask me that?  Is he going to ask me if I'm pregnant next??
Our dining room at work is tiny.  10 tables total.  When he asked me that, everyone stopped talking and looked at me waiting for my reply.  I could tell table 2 was wondering if I would just haul off and smack this guy.  Table 6, four men, chuckled.  Table 5, romantic couple, pretended like they didn't hear him just ask me that.  My reply was, "I have CHILDREN."  which I said in an extra loud voice. 
I went back into the kitchen and stood there looking in the small mirror on the wall.  It's the mirror that we all use to see if we have food in our teeth, or a boogar in our nose or if our make-up is on too thick-before we walk out to a table.  Or in my case, a whisker coming out of my chin. 
I told everyone what grandpa just said to me and, of course, huge laughter.  Even from me. 
It was a good comment and my self esteem was hurting a bit but I knew we would have fun with that one for awhile. 
Thanks Grandpa, for making me feel as old as your ancient, geezer ass. 
I love my job, seriously. 



Maybe the reason I dress up as an elderly lady practically every Halloween is because I am pretty convincing.