Teen Years

Jordan and I got into the worst fight we have ever been in. It happened last Wednesday. I texted her telling her that I was at the school and don't get on the bus. I was in Frisco anyway and figured I might as well pick them up from school. The girls got in the car and all was good. Jordan copped an attitude about not being able to get on the bus with her friends. She was texting and chomping her gum. We were all fine. Jordan tells me she failed an assignment in Humanities (which was social studies when I was in school). She told me that it counted as 70% of her grade. Of course, I started asking her what it was that she didn't understand on the test, did you talk to your teacher about it, are you able to make it up or re-take it. All of her answers were defensive and with an attitude. It's the attitude that sends me. She got so disrespectful that I demanded she give me her phone. She refused. This is where it got ugly. I'm not going into details because I don't want to but I wish I would have handled the entire situation so much differently. Jordan, at 14, is not an easy kid. Never has been. But this was the most disrespectful I have ever seen her and it killed me.
Did I really raise a child that didn't even think before acting and saying? What the heck makes her go off like that? Balistic even?
We got home and I did take her phone away. It's gone for a month as well as her computer priveleges and t.v. It's killing her. She is also not allowed a sleepover or to go to any friends. Our biggest mistake we always make is giving in to her sooner than we should. We can't live with it ourselves so we always give her her stuff back. We have definitely created a monster and now we are paying for it. Shame on us.
This time I think she knew things have changed. I mean business. And it is not easy. Her having no t.v. or computer is very hard and she usually makes life such hell on us, so we give in. Like I said. Things have changed and she knows she screwed up. I truly believe she is sorry for her actions, as am I, and she is trying super hard to accept her consequenses. It hasn't been a week yet and so far it hasn't been too bad. She is alone in her room, which is something she has never, ever been able to do. She is keeping busy. I'm really proud of her for dealing with this the way she should be dealing with this.
I had to have a serious conversation with myself and ask myself what I was doing as a parent that was not working. I was failing with my 14 year old daughter and I just couldn't figure out why. I just hope we can all be better and stronger in the future. I'm trying.