My job

     I went back to my job in May of 2008.  I had just lost my Mom in March.  I was extremely sad and lost and that Easter we were invited to some friends for dinner.  I was reluctant to go and was talked into it.  We were first going to meet for drinks at S.T.,  and have some  laughs.  One of my bff's, who also used to work at S.T., and her family, and ours, were meeting.  We walked in which is always a warm, fuzzy feeling in the old lodge.  We were warmly greeted by some old co-workers, ordered drinks by the roaring fire and cozied up on the couches.  Jordan and Hannah went to the cookie jar.  They remembered where it was.  Everyone was coming out to say hi and catch up a little.  It was a happy moment for me.  I had forgotten for a little while how sad I was thanks to my friends who talked me into going out. 

The Ski Trip Lodge

     I am a career waitress.  There, I said it.  I used to be kind of ashamed or embarrassed to say that but at 45 years old, I think it's obvious.  I'm also pretty happy doing what I'm doing.  This time around.  When I say, "this time around," I am referring to the fact that I first started working at the restaurant in 1989.  I stayed until 2002.  13 years, day in and day out, night in and night out.  I got very burnt out.  I left unhappy and bitter.  Not a good way to leave a job.  I swore I would never, ever waitress again.  Especially there, in that restaurant.  No way, no how.  Never say never.   I'm back and this time around is totally different, but the same too.  The waitstaff is tight.  We all have pretty much put in 20+ years.  That is a long time to work with the same 7 people year after year after year.  We all have grown, some had kids, some came out of the closet, some got divorced and remarried, some not.  We have all skied together, partied together, fought together, and made up together.  We have all seen the hardships of each others lives.  We all have had our meltdowns and breakdowns.  

Public Transportation

Yesterday we had no school.  I had to take my car to Denver to get it worked on which is off of Colfax.  The girls and I headed down and got there at around 11a.m.  We dropped off the car and decided to catch the bus to the mall across town.  Since Colfax is not one of the better streets in Denver, we had an interesting experience.  I haven't taken the bus for years.  I can't even remember the last time I took a bus.  So, trying to figure it out was educational.  We walked down the busy street to the bus sign and waited.  It came right away and we got on, paid our share. I had to ask the driver, as I had no idea, if it went to Colorado Mills, and sat down.  Good thing I asked him.  He said no.  He gave me ticket vouchers and dropped us off at the next stop and told us to wait for the 16L bus.  We got off.  There was a bench occupied by a drunk, homeless guy who immediately asked us for some money.

Playing Catch Up

I am playing some serious catch-up with life.  A week ago today I went to New Orleans.  I flew down with my cousin, Patty and we met my Dad and brother who took the train down from Mpls.  We stayed at my Aunts in Metairie.  Another cousin, Cyndie, lives there also.  We had some fun.  New Orleans is great ,however, I really needed to get home and become a person again.  My family can party.  I can't.  I think I can but really, I can't.  End of story.  Now I'm playing catch up with Jordan and school and we are behind.  I'm getting a little stressed because she is just now finishing up her 1st semester in history and we should have been finished a month ago.  Oops.  Would that be a fail on my part?  Yes.  I'll take the blame.  However, she is so hard to teach because she absolutely will not work independently and I don't know how to get her to do so.  Everything our tutor has told us has been helpful but she even agrees, Jordan is a tough one for independent work.  She's just not getting it.  Argh!

Fine Dining

In this tough economy I am always amazed at how much money people are spending on going out for dinner.  Last night at work I waited on a young couple, he was celebrating his 40th birthday.  Their bill came to OVER $400 for just the two of them.  They ordered a nice bottle of Champagne and an expensive bottle of wine.  How do people afford such luxuries?  You could tell that it was nothing to them to spend that kind of money on a night on the town.  They were classy, nice and knew how to do it up right.  I'd love to do that one day.  I never will.  $400 is a good start to a nice mountain bike or a new pair of skis.  Not food and wine in my book.  But hey, that's why I'm a waitress in a fine dining restaurant.  The tips pay for my toys.

Turn the Page

I'm ready to turn the page.  I need to get out of this slump I'm in and start having some fun again.  This time of year is hard because when spring is right around the corner for most we still have 3 months of winter left and according to the weather it's coming.  I'm ready to ski some powder.  Bring it on because I know when I get a few powder days under my belt I'll be good to go.  Also, this is the time of year I do a little hiking with my skiis and can really get some excellent exercise and skiing.  So now that I've decided it's going to snow and I'm going to get to ski some powder I'm feeling a little more excited about life.  Either way, I really need to adjust my attitute and keep a positive outlook because after all we are going to Costa Rica for the summer.  That's just a little overwhelming to think about right now.  But I can smell the ocean and hear the waves.  Can't wait.  I've just turned the page. 

The tears, my GAWD the tears

Jordan and I just had a moment.  A long crying moment.  I keep crying and I just wish the tears would stop but they won't.  Jordan, who is 13 and not about cuddling, came out of her room and sat on the couch with me and we cried.  Not just sniffles but good, deep, sobbing, cries.  We told stories of Grammy and thank God she remembers.  It kills me that Hannah was to young to remember most of those stories.  Only because Hannah had so many precious moments w/ my Mom.   Jordan remembers. Tonight we remembered so many things.  Jordan took Grammy's picture off the shelf and put it between us on the couch so Grammy could be close to us.  Jordan sat and caressed her picture as if it were her.  We talked about the veins on her hands and how we both (especially me) have the same hands with the veins sticking out.  We remembered EVERYTHING.  I am so blessed to have my daughters.  And I am so blessed to have the Mom that I had. 

Bears in March

I bought some birdseed the other day because I have not fed my birds in quite awhile.  They must be very hungry.  At work Saturday night I walked in at 4 and Aaron, our dishwasher explains to me, in spanish, that he was walking to his car the previous night after his shift and there, out of hybernation, was a bear.  A hungry bear.  Obviously with the warm weather we have been having and the little early snow we didn't have the bears are a little confused and one actually came out of hybernation to seek food from our dumpster.  Poor thing.  Now I'm kind of not wanting to put that seed out because if I do and the bear smells it-dinner for the bear.  I wonder if bears go back into hybernation but then again, down on the front range there is no snow and the weather is almost golfing temps and I'm sure it's almost time for those guys to wake up.  Bears, after all, can travel 100 in a day.  Tomorrow I'm going to fill those feeders and see how happy I have made my bird friends.  The dumpsters are a lot easier to get to than my feeders anyway.

Sadness

My last post I mentioned how "surprisingly well" I was doing with the death of my mother 2 years ago.  Well, I lied.  The tears have not stopped since my brother Mike called me the minute I wrote on my facebook page about the 3 year anniversary of my Moms death.  Well, he wrote to tell me I had it wrong.

I miss my Mom

Today is the 2nd year anniversary of my Mom's death.  I am doing surprisingly well considering I have cried more in the past 2 years than I have all of my life.  I miss her something fierce.  Losing her has changed my life.  Monday I started the countdown meaning on Monday I would say, "2 years ago today I was in the airport waiting for a plane to take me to my Mom in the hospital.  Tuesday;  2 years ago today I heard my mom say her last words to me.  They were 'good buy'.  Wednesday; 2 years ago today we put my Mom in palliative care in the hospital.  2 years ago today I held my Mom's hand and put lotion on them.  Thursday; 2 years ago today I kissed her on the cheek and cuddled with her on her hospital bed.  Today; 2 years ago today my Mom's eyes fluttered open and then she died.  Right there, in that cozy room at the hospital with her family surrounding her.   My Mom was my best friend, my lifeline to my family members I don't alway's keep in touch with, my rock, my soulmate, my mentor, my everything.  I miss her and I still can hear her laugh and smell her smell and I just love that she was my Mom.

CSAP-SHMEESAP

CSAP has been going on for 3 days now and tomorrow is the last day.  Colorado Student Assessment Program.  I say CSAP-SMEESAP.  However, this is the first year that Jordan is actually "into" it.  She said to me after her testing yesterday how she was feeling like she was doing well.  This is her.  "Mom, you know when I used to take CSAP in school and how I hated it?  Well, I used to just mark any answers just so I could finish it and I wouldn't care if it was right or wrong.  This time I'm actually reading through every question and I'm taking my time and I think I'm getting most of them right.  It feels good!"

Good Times, Good Times

I'm tired.  Winter break is over and it's Monday and I'm feeling it.  We had a great time over our break and skiid  everyday but one.  My cousin and his two boys, who are the girls age, were here for 4 days from MN.  We skiid with them at Keystone and had a blast.  The skiing was excellent and the snow came just in time.  It was a great week.  I now have that Colorado face tan that I love and hate.  Love the tan, hate that it stops at the neck.  Even with sunscreen the face tans.  This picture tells it all.  Beautiful Colorado weather, smiles, views.  This was wonderful.  I miss the cousins and can't wait to see them for our family reunion in August.